


You're no different (i love you)

by nanajaem



Series: nana and yukhei are uwu [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I LIVE FOR THIS SHIP, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sign Language, and insecure, because you know, donghyuck is a soft best friend, hyuck is so soft i love him, is written in cursive, jaemin has a panic attack, jaemin is mute, this is angsty, yukhei is a soft boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 22:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16438007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanajaem/pseuds/nanajaem
Summary: Yukhei loves Jaemin no matter what happensorThe one where Jaemin is Yukhei's mute and extremely anxious boyfriend and Yukhei and Donghyuck love him a lot.





	You're no different (i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> hello
> 
> i had this slight idea that i wrote at 1am so here it is i guess. yukhei/jaemin is a rare ship that i actually really love so enjoy some major fluff. the stuff jaemin says in sign language is in cursive.
> 
> -nanajaem

Even after a year, Jaemin’s heart grew warm at the sight of his boyfriend waiting for him by the school’s entrance. He’d always wait for him, even when Jaemin had let him know he didn’t have to.

„Hey, babe,“ Yukhei greeted him and Jaemin let himself be wrapped in his arms. Jaemin was a lot tinier than Yukhei, but he loved it, really. „How was your day?“

Jaemin smiled at him, offering a thumbs up. Yukhei’s shoulders relaxed and although he tried to cover it, Jaemin noticed. He knew how much the other worried for him – which is also why Jaemin didn’t really mention when someone had been giving him a hard time. Yukhei leaned in and pressed a light kiss onto his lips, making Jaemin feel giddy.

„So I was thinking, maybe… I mean – you don’t have to, I know you don’t like crowded places that much, but… You know what, it doesn’t actually – ’’

Jaemin cut his rambling off with a hand on the other’s mouth.

_What is it?_

It was so much easier to communicate now that Yukhei had learned sign language for him. When they’d started to hang out, Jaemin always had his notebook out. He didn’t need it anymore, but he still kept it in a box under his bed. It was nice to read every once in a while.

„I have a game tomorrow, and I was just wondering if you’d like to come. But you don’t have to!“ he quickly said, offering Jaemin the gentlest of looks. „It’s just an offer. You can, if you want.“

Jaemin’s heart burst with love. Yukhei never forced him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with – he knew Jaemin got anxious in crowded places, so he often arranged them quiet dates or sleepovers. He always looked out for him, and he was so, _so_ patient. Sometimes Jaemin tried to push himself out of his comfortable safety zone, because he liked making Yukhei happy. He liked the proud look on his face when Jaemin had really enjoyed a night out with him and had managed to not have any panic attacks. Yukhei never got angry when he had them, though – he was the only one who could really calm him down, alongside with his best friend.

_Can I bring Hyuck? He will probably want to bring Mark, too._

„Yes, of course! I’ll make sure you get the seats close to the exit, just in case.“

Jaemin kissed his cheek in reply, thankful for having such a thoughtful boyfriend. While Yukhei was driving him home, he quickly sent a text to his best friend.

**To: dongdong**

_Hyuckie! Boyf has a game and he invited me. Pls tag along_

_U can bring ur boyf too_

**From: dongdong**

_yah I wouldn’t have let u go alone anyways_

_i’ll come pick u up with Mark 30 mins before ok_

**To: dongdong**

_Thank u!!!_

He pocketed his phone just as Yukhei pulled over in front of his house.

 _Donghyuck agreed to come_.

Yukhei smiled wide. „Great! They’ll give you a ride I assume?“ Jaemin gave him a nod. „Okay. See you tomorrow then, babe. Sleep well, okay?“ he said before leaning in and kissing Jaemin gently. He let out a breathy sound and smiled wide when Yukhei tickled him.

He waved at Yukhei’s car before skipping his way home.

Jaemin tried really hard to ignore his heart beating uncomfortably when they arrived to their seats. _Don’t be stupid for once_ , Jaemin told himself. _Yukhei wanted you here to support him. Don’t start with your bullshit_. He took a deep breath. _Just be normal for tonight_.

„Nana, everything good?“ Donghyuck asked, pulling Jaemin out of his thoughts. He offered Jaemin a small, genuine smile and laced their fingers together.

Jaemin loved Hyuck with all his heart. Behind his sarcastic remarks he had the warmest heart Jaemin knew of and he was so happy he had someone like Mark taking care of him.

Jaemin nodded to answer his question, squeezing their linked hands. If Hyuck felt the slight tremble of Jaemin’s fingers, he didn’t mention it. Instead, he caressed his hand with his thumb – Jaemin appreciated the gesture.

He didn’t get to see Yukhei in his full-on game armour a lot, but it stole his breath every time. Jaemin would have never believed _he_ noticed Jaemin, that _he_ loved Jaemin.

„Let’s go!“ Mark yelled, his voice drowning in the crowd’s screams.

For Jaemin, the game seemed to drag forever. Every minute meant more uneasiness. He was so thankful for Hyuck, who never let go of his hand. Unfortunately it didn’t help long enough as the game started to reach it’s climax.

It became very hard to breathe.

„Nana?“ he heard Donghyuck’s worried voice, mixed with excited cheers all around them. The crowd was suffocating him. Everything felt out of place.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He hunched over, scraping his neck with his free hand. His chest _hurt_ like hell –

„Nana, come on. Nana?“ Donghyuck placed both his hands on Jaemin’s cheeks, somewhat bloking the crowd around him. „Let’s go.“

He let Hyuck guide him, not really noticing where they were going. His throat closed up, _goddammit_ , he just wanted to do something normal for once, and…

„Nana, breathe with me. Sit down.“ He slid down the wall, the cheers of the crowd only a slight echo.

Jaemin gasped for air. He was trembling. Every single noise made him flinch.

„It’s okay. The game’s over now, and the people will leave. Nana, you have to breathe.“

Jaemin covered his ears with his hands as he let himself fall on the ground. He felt hands holding his head, so it wouldn’t smash the ground.

Tears prickled his eyes and _god_ his chest hurt he just wanted air air air air-

„Yukhei will come soon. And we will go home. You can do this. It’s alright, Nana.“

The quiet surroundings and Donghyuck’s constant voice eventually allowed his cramped self to relax a little, his upper body slumping onto Hyuck’s thighs as the other kept holding him.

„That’s better. It’s okay. You’re safe.“

The tears and the guilt always followed. It was inevitable for Jaemin, because they always had to worry about him, look after him, always stay calm. He choked on a sob that threatened to escape his throat.

„Nana, don’t cry. I love you. I promise it’s alright.“ Donghyuck sounded so patient and so loving, caressing his hair. Jaemin was drained.

„Nana?“

The familiar voice made Jaemin’s throat close up again and he squeezed his eyes shut. Arms he knew so well collected him from Donghyuck’s lap, enveloping him into the warmth of Yukhei’s chest.

He wanted to _tell him_ , tell him how sorry he was, tell him he didn’t mean to worry them, but he couldn’t. Him and his stupid disability and his stupid panic attacks.

„Baby,“ he heard Yukhei mumble next to his ear. „I know it hurts. Don’t feel guilty.“

Because this was Yukhei, and Yukhei always knew how Jaemin really felt, without Jaemin having to tell him anything. He knew how to read Jaemin like an open book – for that, he was grateful.

Jaemin pressed himself into the comfort of Yukhei’s arms, a headache forming.

„Are you feeling better now?“ Yukhei asked gently, pressing a kiss on Jaemin’s head. He nodded tiredly, thankful that his episode was rather short. He had to break away in order to sign.

_I’m really sorry._

„Nana,“ Yukhei started, and his _so gentle_ voice made Jaemin’s lower lip tremble. Yukhei wiped his tears. „I don’t want you being sorry. It’s not your fault at all. Okay? I love you just the way you are, Donghyuck loves you, too.“

Hyuck crouched next to Yukhei, nodding as he ran his fingers through Jaemin’s hair.

„You never have to feel guilty and you know that.“

Yukhei gave this speech every time Jaemin had an episode, because Jaemin _always_ felt guilty. Yukhei couldn’t have a normal boyfriend who would come to his games and support him, who would let himself be taken on theatre dates and take part of song contests. Donghyuck would always have to look out for him, would always have to stay on his guard.

He wondered what he did to deserve the two.

„Let’s go home, Nana.“

Yukhei carried him on his back as he held hands with Donghyuck, Mark letting him comfort Jaemin without interfering. He found reassurance in physical contact and they were more than willing to give it to him.

Jaemin’s life was a tad rocky, sure, but with Yukhei and his sunflower beside him, he felt like he could live with that. Because they loved him as a whole and that was enough.

 

* * *

 

 

He felt Yukhei’s heart beating as the other held him close. It was always a calming thing for him – a rhythmic sound.

„You know I love you, Nana, right?“ Yukhei mumbled, kissing his hair. „Love you so much.“

Jaemin would never be able to say those words to him. He could sign them, sure, but…Jaemin wondered if it would stop being enough for Yukhei. He could never be able to give Yukhei anything _normal_.

„Babe, why are you crying?“

He sat up, pulling Jaemin onto his lap, facing Yukhei. Jaemin looked at Yukhei’s soft features and he loved him _so much_.

„Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how you feel.“

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me _._

Jaemin could never tell him.

_I just, you’re so good to me, Yukhei. You’re so good, but…_

Yukhei frowned at his shaking hands.

„But?“

Jaemin took a deep breath. _Will I be enough? You always tell me you love me, but I can never tell you that I love you, too. I can’t tell you anything. I can’t even come support you, for god’s sake. I’m scared that…Someday, you’ll get tired, you know?_

Yukhei covered his hands, stopping him from signing more. He looked upset and Jaemin wanted to wipe the expression off of his goofy boyfriend.

„Jaemin, if you tell me something like that ever again, I will get so upset and cry.“

Jaemin frowned.

„Are you out of your mind? Nana, look at me,“ he said, cupping Jaemin’s cheeks. „You always tell me you love me. You do tell me. I don’t have to hear it verbally in order for you to say it. You just say it in another language, it doesn’t matter.“

Because this was Yukhei. Who never saw his disability as a disability. He took it like Jaemin wasn’t any different, he didn’t treat him any different. And Jaemin really fucking loved him.

„You tell me you love me in numerous ways. You come to my games when I invite you, even though you know you’ll probably get a panic attack – you come anyways. You bring me coffee every morning. You kiss me goodbye. You always pick out the pickles from my food. You do all those little things and –   _Nana_. It’s enough. It’s more than enough.“

Jaemin threw his arms around Yukhei’s neck and hugged him tightly, squeezing his eyes shut.  _I love you I love you I love you I love you._ He thought the three words so intensely he thought he’d lose his mind.

„I know you love me, Nana,“ Yukhei whispered, kissing his shoulder. „It’s okay. Because I love you even more.“

A big grin split on Jaemin’s face.

 _I highly doubt that_.

Yukhei laughed. It was the most beautiful sound. Jaemin cut it off with tons of small kisses all over the other’s face.

„Stop, Nana, oh god.“ Yukhei was giggling all the while.

Jaemin’s phone went off when they set up a movie.

**From: dongdong**

_hey nana_

_how r u doing?_

**To: dongdong**

_im better now_

_thanks for taking care of me so much_

_i love you more than anything!!_

 

„More than me?“ Yukhei asked with a fake gasp. Jaemin shoved him in his ribs with a small grin. Yukhei understood why Donghyuck would always be the most important person in Jaemin’s life, so he didn’t act jealous at all. Jaemin made sure he knew he loved him to bits and pieces, too. But Donghyuck had been beside him since they were kids.

_i know_

_im amazing right_

Jaemin snorted.

**To: dongdong**

_whatever floats your boat babe_

**From: dongdong**

_anyway mark’s taking me out tonight_

_so if u need anything then i wont be on business hours_

_attend ur boyf_

**To: dongdong**

_have fun!!_

_not too much fun_

_;)_

**From: dongdong**

_ew shut up_

_im too young for this bullshit_

**To: dongdong**

_a whole mood_

_have fun!!!_

Jaemin always fell asleep in Yukhei’s arms while watching movies, but the latter didn’t seem to mind. Jaemin felt like home, with his boyfriend caressing his back and kissing his had every once in a while. A soft smile stayed on his lips until he drifted off into a warm sleep.

 


End file.
